Keeping Secrets

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This week I wanted to talk a little bit about keeping secrets, alongside some pictures of my most recent trip to Barcelona.

Earlier this year I mentioned in a post that I like keeping secrets. I’ve done it for a very long time, and I’ve come to realize it’s not always healthy.

I started doing it when I was very little, when adults would ask me questions I didn’t feel like answering. I was extremely shy and for some reason I was immensely scared of being laughed at, so I’d hide the truth by being quiet or telling a lie.
Never anything major, but it soothed me to know that I had the truth ‘safe’ in my head.

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As I’ve grown older, I’ve become less quiet and more outgoing. Sharing my thoughts, dreams and aspirations is still something I don’t like to do, even with people who are very close to me.

It isn’t anything personal or a trust issue, I just like keeping things to myself. It’s become a habit.
Besides, thoughts are safe from judgement if you keep them to yourself.

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Earlier this year I had to see a therapist for something specific, who told me this behaviour was doing me harm. It surprised me a little; I just thought I wasn’t much of a sharer.

I had a couple of really bad frustration outbursts and couldn’t understand where they suddenly came from. Keeping feelings to myself and lying about things I wasn’t happy about was contributing majorly to this anger and I didn’t even realize it.

 Her advice was to talk more on a personal level with the people close to me, and I’ve slowly started to open up about how I feel with them.
It’s been a huge relief.
Instead of pretending I’m always fine, I came to terms with the fact that I’m not very happy with some aspects of my life. I became more honest and I’ve started to make drastic changes, which is a big reason why I’ve also been slacking on writing blogposts.

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The reactions I get to being honest about what I really want aren’t always the best, which is what I’ve always been most scared of.
Still, I’m much more relaxed and don’t get angry as quickly as I used to. People aren’t mind readers, you have to actually express your feelings in order for someone else to understand you.

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Little ootd

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So why am I sharing this alongside some happy pictures of Barcelona?

Well, because the reason I went there and I went to Milan earlier this month was the same.
I’ve told close friends and family, but haven’t found the right words to adress it here.

It’s still a little secret for now, but I’ve been hinting more towards it on my Instagram lately.
I’ll dedicate a full post on it very soon, which is something I didn’t think I would do.

I’m sure it’s kind of obvious though

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Heading home

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Thanks for treating me so well Barcelona!
See you again very soon



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